The next song/video was written about in my FB about 2 years ago, when Dre was only 6 or 7 years old. Well, she's 8 now & I'm still struggling with this song. And sorry but I just need to get this in here somewhere...all the daddy's in the house say "YO"!!! I know y'all are feeling me! Hahaha!
Enjoy the video & read on! :)
Last night after taking Dre’s temperature, I watched her sleep…first checking if she was able to breathe well because she has colds…& cough…& obviously, fever. Later, though, I was drawn to staring at her face. Her hairline, her eyebrows, her curly lashes, her small button-nose, her lips (that my brother, Robert, has always pointed out to be really beautiful), her chin (that reminds me so much of Drew’s, although, thankfully, not as pointy), her chubby cheeks & her cup-shaped ears (that my friends from the Amber Forums said looked like "Amber-ears"). I was so puzzled to find that after almost 7 years of staring at her, she still gets me mesmerized & fills me with so much awe, every single time I do so.
I remember when Dre was born & I was still a professional bum, staring at her would be the last thing I did before I slept & the first thing I did after I awoke. Of course, there were the in-between’s & I did all of these every day…until I found work. When I worked, however, I still did it every chance I got & loved every minute of it. It was here that I realized that the thing most parents say about their babies, specifically on how a single smile can erase all the tiredness, all the frustration, & all the bad things that always happen at work…was true. Indeed, I am a believer.
But here, now, it was a little different. The feeling I had when I stared at her back when she was younger was that of uncontainable pride, overflowing joy, encompassing contentment, a deep sense of achievement even. Except, strangely that night, there was a feeling I honestly never thought I’d have when looking at her: my baby girl, my sunshine, my princess, the most precious living being on earth.
Taking her hand, I ran my point finger on the dimples under her knuckles. I just love looking at those cute, puffy & dimply dents. If Robert always said, “I hope her lips would never change”, I would ask the same for her “hand clefts” instead. They are my biggest reminders that my baby girl is still just that. A “baby”.
I, then, found myself looking at Dre again. Half-standing on a round, fitting stool, her hair swooped all the way up like a sundae cone, with beads of pearls & small, white flowers elegantly scattered around the dark brown mound. She was playfully twirling a ribbon on the head of her cousin, Jeri, who was busy making sure Dre’s shoes were clean & shiny, while another cousin, Mika, was flicking her to stop twiddling Jeri’s head gear. Kim, the other cousin, came in from a joining room & called out to her saying, “Oh Sondre, please stand still.” She was holding yet another ribbon, only longer & a lot thicker than the one on Jeri’s head. “Honey…” her mom said, as Dre straightened up with a smirk on her face & a friendly tap on Jeri’s chin. Jeri just looked at her, smiled & was oblivious to everything that was happening behind her back...or above her head, for that matter.
It was then that I saw how tall she has grown…how her long, white, glittery dress hung & fell on her perfect body in all the exact places they were to hang & fall (& here she thought a body with some fat would never be perfect)…how her pulled-up hair proudly gave way to show her beautiful shoulders & back that made her look even more classy (to think her mother & I thought she was always too lazy to develop the correct posture)…how her smile has flourished to be the brightest & most refreshing smiles anyone has ever seen (even with the familiar childish grin she would flash every once in a while)…how right I was in saying that she would grow up to be the most beautiful girl in the world (& I have a video to prove it).
“Let me see you.” Trish continued to say as she held Dre’s face. Trish smiled at her & she smiled right back with her patented smile that seemed to say “I know, you’re going to say I’m pretty now, right?” instead she said “Can we show Pad now?”. With that, she seemed to notice the penguin-like creature, half-cowering & half-blocking the doorway (yes, I intend to wear a tux for this & I don’t care…it’s my vision anyway! ;P ).
“Paddy!” she said while gathering the rest of her dress so she wouldn't trip over them & hurried towards me. She stopped about 3 steps from me & overdid a fancy glamour-girl pose, like the ones she used to mimic when she was 4. I manage to muster a smile at this point, although, for those of you who know me well, you know the tears have long been welling in my eyes. Of course, for those of you who really, really know me…you know that I can’t go any further with this…otherwise, I will soooo lose it!
So there. What’s the point?
Point is, I feel like time has come & gone so fast. I feel like my only daughter has grown up too fast that no matter how hard I try to be there for all the “firsts” in her life, I still feel like I’m missing out on things. I feel like everything around me is happening so fast & I’m moving too slow or that I’m not moving at all. Most times, I’m pretty sure I don’t even want to move, period.
I don’t know if I will be ready for this. I don’t know if I could ever be ready for this. I don’t know if I can ever be ready to see her have suitors, or if having suitors is still possible at this day & age? I don’t know if I can ever be ready to hear her say, for any occasion/event/family gathering, “Pad, is it ok if I bring (what’s-his-face)?”. I don’t know if I can ever be ready to send her off on a date or if what’s-his-face would even still come to the house before taking her out on a date…’cause I’d gladly drive her…& chaperon her…& bring her back home. Hmmm…maybe that can be a rule:
No proper fetching (for a lack of a better word) = absolute Paddy chaperoning!
Not a very bad idea. I like it!
Well, back to my uncertainties. I honestly don’t know if I can promise not to strangle anyone who breaks my baby girl’s heart. I’ve actually started saving for my own bail, you know. & I’m not going to hide my love for guns, too! ;P
But, seriously, you get the idea. I’m not sure when I’ll be ready or if I’ll ever be ready, but, one thing is for sure. I need to be ready soon enough. & I guess, here is where I start.
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